the beauty lies in the uncertainty.

Well, I’ve been praying for God to move mountains friends, and it looks like He may do just that. God has this funny way of continually putting me in my place, gracefully humbling me in a way that leaves me simply….in awe. I’ve had an overwhelming passion in my heart since Beth Guckenberger came and spoke at Cru early last fall, and it hasn’t left my heart since then. I’ve felt unsettled, shaken, and entirely broken for orphans all over the world, and the desire to let them know how much they are loved by God has taken over my heart. I attempted to contact Beth and her husband through Back2Back ministries in January, hoping but not expecting the Lord to move in the hearts of the ministry and just simply share my own heart with them. The first response I received was positive, stating that they hoped they could get me in, but would email me back within a month with a more definitive idea of availability. I waited, and waited, and waited, and finally got impatient enough to email them back myself. And I received a reply stating that it was a very good chance that there wouldn’t be enough room for me.

At this point, I wrote off going to Mexico for this summer, and I began thinking of ways that I could make it there in the future. I also decided to spend a large portion of my money going to Anna Maria Island in Florida with 8 other RAs for Spring Break. Now let me explain that I wasn’t planning on going to Florida because I wanted to save up my money to take the trip to Mexico. So three weeks before Spring Break was to arrive, I found out I wasn’t going to Mexico, and with much deliberation and frustration but ultimate satisfaction in my decision, I decided to spend spring break with 8 great friends.

Its funny, you know? I’m a planner. I thrive off of getting myself in order and purposefully planning out life. I try to plan out all the big things with careful consideration and preparation. But God likes to put up barriers in my life and thrust me into entirely new directions. And like He did with Cru band and RA stuff, God decided to tell me no, let me go on spring break, and then say, “Oh Steph, I was just kidding! I want you to go to Mexico this summer even though you don’t have enough money for it and really have no clue what you are getting into.”

But friends, that’s the beauty of it. The beauty lies in the uncertainty. God has given me a wonderfully visible opportunity to completely and fully trust in Him and His provision to get me to Mexico to help those sweet orphans. Because to be honest, I can’t really afford it. I’m going to HAVE to rely on support from friends and family to pay for this. I’m going to have to put a hold on starting to save money for after college when I’m up to my ears in debt. But it is so worth it, and I have so much faith that God will provide.

I have faith because it’s not about me. It’s not about the money. It’s not about the fear. It’s not about the fun i’m sure i’ll have or anything. IT’S ALL ABOUT GLORIFYING GOD IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. It’s about sharing His love with some of the neediest in the world. It’s about loving people in the way God loves us and instructs us to love others.

It’s about being uncomfortable.

I’m swimming in uncertainty, but I am content.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight” -Proverbs 3:5-6.
God this one is yours. I know you will not fail me.