Use me, Lord.

What an interesting and trying past couple months it has been. And i'm nowhere near being all put back into place - but probably more broken than I was the last time I wrote.

I'm just going to be blunt here. I am going to do missions work with orphans in the near future. I don't know what that looks like nor how i'm ever going to pay for it. I don't know how I can even make an impact there. But after Sunday night, I have just felt this tug on my heart saying, "Steph, you are meant to do missions work outside of home. You are meant for sharing love with little ones and their broken families." I've been blessed with a wonderful and loving family, and I must share the love of God that I feel with these precious little children who have never felt the support of a family. I want to just love on them and play with them and rejoice in the Lord with them. And let me just tell you, I know this came from the Lord because I have no idea where else it came from. And the message is just screaming in my face.

I've also been thinking that some sort of work with poverty-striken single mothers around my age would be really awesome and that I could make a difference in that area. I don't exactly know what that means, but I think I could help to give those women back a bit of empowerment and confidence to make change in this world [with the help of God of course!]

I've been looking up some places to go - throwing around summer projects, ECC affiliated missionaries, etc. I don't know where God is taking me with this. I don't know if it will even ever work out. I don't know why it's been placed so heavily on my heart, but when I got to thinking about it, doing missions work this summer would work out absolutely perfectly. See, I've been really torn as to what my plans for this summer are going to be. I've thought about staying in Btown and working all summer, maybe grabbing two jobs and sub-leasing an apartment. I've thought about being a summer RA and taking a class or two. I've thought about going home and picking up another job along with my job at Victoria's Secret. But none of these things have really felt right. The only thing that feels right is bringing missions work into the equation.

I might just look around myself and take a leap of faith in moving somewhere over the summer and just seeing where I can be used. It would be scary, but I think it would be so worth it.

I'm so broken. Since the summer, God has been slowly breaking me in an effort to shuffle the pieces around a bit and put them back together in a way that will glorify Him. IT SUCKS and it hurts, but I know it's right. And thank you God for that.

Please pray for me. I don't generally ask for prayers, but I really need them right now.

Love you guys! :)