I Am So Small.

There has been an overwhelmingly reoccuring theme in my life the past few weeks. When is the right time to say something? And when do keep your mouth shut?

Sometimes, you really do say it best when you say nothing at all. But other times, saying something is the only outlet to solving those things.

But most of the time, it's just really difficult to differentiate between when to say something and when to just keep your mouth shut... and I feel like that's been an issue I've really struggled with these past couple weeks especially.

I've had a bit of a selfish streak lately, and I'm thankful that a really good friend of mine kindly brought that to my attention. I really have been selfish. I've been harboring past hurts and blaming a person for them, when really, the one thing that person needs is just to be loved. I haven't been a very faithful servant of the Lord. How could I forget to forgive? The thing is, I was entirely focused on protecting myself and fell into the gossip trap that I forgot that nothing is really about me after all. At the end of the day, I should be the example by not taking things personally and working to share God's love with this person instead of pushing them away. Because honestly, my reasons for wanting to push this person away don't stand a chance against God's love.

I've also realized that I am so far away from knowing everything, and it's very humbling. God has been really showing me lately that I still have so much to learn. With somewhat of a lack of communication and very apparent ignorance, I was ready to give up another friendship [even different then the one above] because of some things that were said [and not even to me]. Once we communicated, I realized that my perspective of the situation was only a tiny ounce of the entire story, and that God was really hard at work the entire time. I was thinking of my own feelings and how it affected me, but not of anyone else's in the situation. I thought this person should have just kept their mouth shut, but in fact, this person saying those things may have been the best thing that they could have done.

I am so small. He is so big. and I love that He faithfully reminds me of that.

God has thrown a lot of big stuff my way recently [and I kinda feel like He always does], but I have learned so much and i'm thankful for it all....every bit of it. Tyler told me tonight that it's going to be ok, and for some reason, after hearing that a bagillion times from other people, hearing it from him confirmed it in my mind. It really is going to be ok. It will always be ok.

I may not have the same weaknesses as most girls do, but I have my own weaknesses that I'm constantly working on and struggling with. Like I mentioned earlier, I have the tendency to overreact as a outpouring of my own selfishness, and I'm really trying to work on that. I sometimes tend to lack in communication skills, but I have hope that I'm getting better at that too. I'm working but I know it's going to take awhile as well as people holding me accountable.

But it will be ok. I'll be just fine. And I'm just gonna pray, pray, pray.

I also am gonna give a little shout out to Tyler because I love him. I was gonna write this whole blog about him but I decided to give God a bigger shout out...[sorry Princess Ni Ni Lover].

I have so much to say that I don't want to share with the world....I'm gonna go journal.

Oh, Life.
Love,
Steph