You Say it Best When You Say Nothing At All

I've been having a terrible time spelling today. I don't know what it is...

I had such a lovely time [as always] with Miss Erin Bowles today, and I wanted to share a bit of what we talked about and just some random life things. I don't know, this might be a mess. But work with me :)

Tuesday, I was given the awesome opportunity to travel with my mom's fifth grade class to Chicago to go to the Museum of Science and Industry. I was given three fifth graders to chaperone, and it was a really big "grown up" moment for me. For one of the first times, I was strictly playing the role of an adult, entirely responsible for the safety of these three children. I was the one wearing the bright orange nametag with "Nebraska Elementary Chaperone" on it. Looking back, it seems like something so natural to me to lead a group of younger students, but really, it was a pivotal moment in my life. I'm an adult - wow.

It was cool though because in some respect, I felt a tiny ounce of what it feels like to be a mother [or father, for that matter]. I had to keep an eye on these three very different kids as they all looked at different things within a museum packed with other curious little ones. Like a mom, I had to allow them to explore while keeping them close to me [so they wouldn't get lost]. It was really cool to be able to have that responsibility and find out just a taste of what that's like.

On the bus ride to Chicago, I asked a 5th grader sitting in front of me if he had ever been to Chicago. I guess I asked the questions somewhat arbitrarily, expecting to hear him say "duh, everyone's been to Chicago." But instead, the boy said no, that he had never been out of Indiana [and I'm not sure really too far from Fort Wayne]. It was a really eye-opening moment for me. Having been given the opportunities to travel with my family since I was a young girl, I had just expected everyone to be the same way I guess. But these kids were experiencing their first vacation on a SCHOOL fieldtrip. It just reiterated the fact that I am so blessed.

We also passed through one of the poorest areas of Chicago, and it was really really sad. What caught my attention was the housing systems. The houses were either tiny shacks or tall apartments with many floors, all crammed together with no yards to play in. Most of the businesses, which I'm guess were once thriving, were boarded up, and there was trash everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. It was so sad to me that children are growing up in these horrifying conditions. As small as it may seem, these children lack yards to play in and time to just be kids. They are forced to grow up quicker and are doing so in an environment that is so dangerous and destructive. It was really sad, and I'm not sure there is really very much being done. But what can we do? How do we solve it? I want to be a part of that answer...

I think I may have been the only person on the whole bus thinking these things, but 4 hours is a long time to think! Overall, the trip was great and the kids were awesome. :)

On the way back from breakfast, Erin and I talked a little bit about relationships and I thought she brought up a wonderful point. We talked about the idea that all relationships go through season, some closer than others, and that they aren't at all perfect. I find so much truth in that. Being in a relationship means so much more than I ever thought it really meant before I was actually in one. There are so many moments that you never want to end, but there are also times when you have to get down to it and work through things together that you maybe don't want too. There are times when you get on different pages or times that you cope with things differently. Times when the one thing that will cure you is space and maybe the next week it's intimately talking. Some periods will be closer than others but each step is more important than the one before. I love that there is change. I love that in troubling times we're given the opportunity to embrace the challenge and gain a healthier, deeper understanding of each other. But mostly, I love that love's a gift.

Ah, I have so much on my heart these days...

I'm preparing to join a Bible Study with Erin and a few other older women. I'm SO looking forward to that! I miss that fellowship, and being held accountable for my words and actions. I feel like God has just placed so many awesome people and especially women in my life, and I'm so thankful that He has led me to them! I'm really looking forward to meeting with these women and opening up my heart to them! He always provides!

I've been praying lately for grace and forgiveness. I haven't been a very good person in some areas of my life, and I recognize that I'm not being a very nice person but I still do it anyway...how dumb is that? I think I'm getting better, and sometimes, the best thing for me to say is absolutely nothing at all. I need to remind myself of that...

I need to find a job and a car soon. I feel entirely dependent and helpless...and that is such an awful feeling for me. And I have real issues in asking for rides. I don't really know what that's about.

Off to bed!
Love,
Steph