A Basement of all Basements

It's been a weird, stressful, interesting weekend, and I feel a pressing desire to write about it.

Thursday was the last "Kacie Party" at her old house before the big move, and with that came an overwhelming pool of emotions that I'm not really sure how to handle. Kacie's house has always been my safe haven, the place where I know I can always walk in the front door without knocking or open the fridge and grab a Coke Zero without feeling like I'm intruding. But more than that, Kacie's house has offered me a place to safely grow amongst a group of wonderful, loving friends. This group has changed a lot over the years - some people are there for a few hours, others for years. But we all relate. We all can say "I have been to Kacie's house" and that is a rare and beautiful thing.

Being a part of the original group that first inhabited Kacie's basement, I can say that my feelings towards the basement have fluctuated over the past 8 years. I love the basement [well not necessarily the basement, but the memories that accompany it]. But there were times when I didn't love the basement so much, when all I wanted to do was run away from the basement as fast as I could and not look back. When I wanted to run away from everything that once made me who I was, and find the true me apart from the just the basement.

And I did. And looking back, running away was everything I needed. However, I've grown to love and appreciate the place where a majority of my teenage memories took place as well as the people in them. I've been more than blessed to have a place where I can laugh till 3am watching ridiculous horror films, play rockband [even though I pretty much suck] without being made fun of [maliciously], and share my deepest thoughts. While I don't think I really need a basement to do this, this was THE place that all of these memories unfolded.

We moved all of Kacie's things into the new house [which is beautiful by the way], and went home for a little break. I got a call at 5:15 or so from Kacie telling me that her house was on fire. On fire. Like, REAL fire. I quickly drove to her house, parked, and ran to Kacie and her mom as the smoke billowed from my teenage hangout spot. It was devastating. I felt like MY house was burning. I can't even describe to you what I felt, let alone what Kacie and her mom were feeling. It was like a nightmare.

So just as we were coping with the idea of Kacie moving into a different house, our teenage home burnt down.

It's been a crazy weekend. It really has. All I can do is pray it out, and let God and time work their magic. Please pray for Kacie and her family...if I'm struggling this much, I can only imagine the pain and struggles that her family are going through.

Along with this, I've felt an overall discontentment with being home. And don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with the people here or my home in general, it's just the idea of not being there. I'm miss the fellowship we established at school, the broad range of opportunities offered to me daily. When I'm home, I miss IU. And honestly, that last week at IU was very nearly hell. I can't win, and I don't know what to do to make it better? I'm hoping that time will work it out.

I just really dislike the person I am here at home - it's not the real me, the one who works to glorify the Lord in everything I start and finish. It's so weird. Lacking the constant accountability from those around me has truly showed me the depths of my relationship with the Lord, and at this point, I'm realizing that it's a lot more shallow than I thought it was. I'm realizing I guess that it is going to take a lot more work than I had planned in order to grow my relationship with Christ over the summer. I'm not sure I'm ready to be thrown out on my own with this one, but I'm just going to trust that God knows what's best for me right now - even if that means I'm somewhat discontent. I miss that accountability, and the strength I acquired over the past few months within my fellowship.

Met with Erin Bowles at Starbucks and had a beautiful chat with her! I'm really looking forward to our weekly chats. I love her!

I also talked with my mom tonight. She always makes me feel better!

God Bless You.
Love,
Steph